Monday, January 28, 2013


So, just as I am starting to feel comfortable in our space again... Just as I am releasing all kinds of physical stuff from our life...
We are searching for a new house to make our home.

This is incredibly exciting! We are outgrowing our space. It will be lovely to have indoor and outdoor play space for Abigail. It will be nice to have more than one bathroom. It will be nice to have a fenced in space to let the dog run around. It will be nice to have room to grow.

This is also mildly terrifying! We have never been in the position of needing to sell a house. We will be taking on a larger mortgage. When I was young I experienced what it means to be forced to move. I know that my husband and I are being very smart about this and not taking on anything that is beyond our means, but those earlier memories still live, mostly buried, inside me. I find myself calming and comforting the little girl inside me more these days.

Then there is the emotional side of me. I know that we will take all memories of our current place with us in our hearts, minds, and photos. I know this and still... This is the space we brought our puppy home to and Abigail home to. This is the first home we owned together. We have wonderful neighbors who have become wonderful friends. They live right upstairs and we lean on each other often. Yes, they can come visit us in our new place. This is just leaving behind the old to welcome in the new. I have a feeling that all of the good old will follow us where ever we go.

I also have a fear in the back of my mind, something I need to release...  Part of me is afraid that we will find a beautiful
new place with all kinds of room and then my body will fail us and no more babies will come. All of this space and no babies... Then I assure myself that even if there are not any more babies we will know what to do with all of that space, it will come to us. I must relinquish a false sense of control and welcome what comes.

I am making space and searching for new space. The fear and emotion and possibility of it all is exciting!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Atop a Tarp

Last night I dreamt of myself making art.
I had put a tarp down in my dining room.
There were art supplies of every kinds everywhere.
I had spread out everywhere and I was working, really working.
My heart was full and my head was humming with ideas.

I realized that what I need is a safe space in which to get messy.
I am someone who loves order, but in order to create I need to make a "mess" in a somewhat orderly space.
Am I making any sense to anyone but myself?

I also realized that part of my creative block right now is that I do not have EVERYTHING, all of my supplies, at my finger tips. I have them all, but they are stored in the baby's closet and I take things out one "project" at a time. TOO CONFINING! This limits my creativity.

I could actually buy a tarp, clear out space for all of my suppies in our buffet drawers and/or front hall closet, and create on my dining room floor.

I am not sure that this is the best way to approach this, but at the very least it is the kernel of an idea.

Friday, January 18, 2013


This new year has new things in store for me.

My word for the year is Release.
It has already taken over.
I have bagged and boxed up so much stuff to give away. It will be picked up on January 22.
I have joined a gym and am releasing energy and my cozy cocoon of chubalub there.
I have had a lot on my mind, but have begun writing down these worries and placing them in my "God Box" knowing and believing that God will take care of these things for me.
Every morning I write down three things that I am grateful for.

I am struggling with the Releasing of my creative energies through writing and crafting if only for 5 minutes a day.  I came upon some awesome downloadable software for only $40 called Scrivener. I think it will be a wise investment for my writing. If I have everything I need contained in one place the whole process seems less overwhelming somehow.

I feel like I need a space for crafting, but space is something that we are lacking in our current home. I have not yet figured out how to create this space in the current confines. Maybe I will find it by giving away more stuff and convincing my husband to do the same. Maybe a fold out table/desk in the kitchen?  Maybe an armoire for the laundry area that could double as a crafting space? I trust that a solution will come to me.

I am open to ideas and possibilities.

With Love