So, just as I am starting to feel comfortable in our space again... Just as I am releasing all kinds of physical stuff from our life...
We are searching for a new house to make our home.
This is incredibly exciting! We are outgrowing our space. It will be lovely to have indoor and outdoor play space for Abigail. It will be nice to have more than one bathroom. It will be nice to have a fenced in space to let the dog run around. It will be nice to have room to grow.
This is also mildly terrifying! We have never been in the position of needing to sell a house. We will be taking on a larger mortgage. When I was young I experienced what it means to be forced to move. I know that my husband and I are being very smart about this and not taking on anything that is beyond our means, but those earlier memories still live, mostly buried, inside me. I find myself calming and comforting the little girl inside me more these days.
Then there is the emotional side of me. I know that we will take all memories of our current place with us in our hearts, minds, and photos. I know this and still... This is the space we brought our puppy home to and Abigail home to. This is the first home we owned together. We have wonderful neighbors who have become wonderful friends. They live right upstairs and we lean on each other often. Yes, they can come visit us in our new place. This is just leaving behind the old to welcome in the new. I have a feeling that all of the good old will follow us where ever we go.
I also have a fear in the back of my mind, something I need to release... Part of me is afraid that we will find a beautiful
new place with all kinds of room and then my body will fail us and no more babies will come. All of this space and no babies... Then I assure myself that even if there are not any more babies we will know what to do with all of that space, it will come to us. I must relinquish a false sense of control and welcome what comes.
I am making space and searching for new space. The fear and emotion and possibility of it all is exciting!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Atop a Tarp
Last night I dreamt of myself making art.
I had put a tarp down in my dining room.
There were art supplies of every kinds everywhere.
I had spread out everywhere and I was working, really working.
My heart was full and my head was humming with ideas.
I realized that what I need is a safe space in which to get messy.
I am someone who loves order, but in order to create I need to make a "mess" in a somewhat orderly space.
Am I making any sense to anyone but myself?
I also realized that part of my creative block right now is that I do not have EVERYTHING, all of my supplies, at my finger tips. I have them all, but they are stored in the baby's closet and I take things out one "project" at a time. TOO CONFINING! This limits my creativity.
I could actually buy a tarp, clear out space for all of my suppies in our buffet drawers and/or front hall closet, and create on my dining room floor.
I am not sure that this is the best way to approach this, but at the very least it is the kernel of an idea.
I had put a tarp down in my dining room.
There were art supplies of every kinds everywhere.
I had spread out everywhere and I was working, really working.
My heart was full and my head was humming with ideas.
I realized that what I need is a safe space in which to get messy.
I am someone who loves order, but in order to create I need to make a "mess" in a somewhat orderly space.
Am I making any sense to anyone but myself?
I also realized that part of my creative block right now is that I do not have EVERYTHING, all of my supplies, at my finger tips. I have them all, but they are stored in the baby's closet and I take things out one "project" at a time. TOO CONFINING! This limits my creativity.
I could actually buy a tarp, clear out space for all of my suppies in our buffet drawers and/or front hall closet, and create on my dining room floor.
I am not sure that this is the best way to approach this, but at the very least it is the kernel of an idea.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Release
This new year has new things in store for me.
My word for the year is Release.
It has already taken over.
I have bagged and boxed up so much stuff to give away. It will be picked up on January 22.
I have joined a gym and am releasing energy and my cozy cocoon of chubalub there.
I have had a lot on my mind, but have begun writing down these worries and placing them in my "God Box" knowing and believing that God will take care of these things for me.
Every morning I write down three things that I am grateful for.
I am struggling with the Releasing of my creative energies through writing and crafting if only for 5 minutes a day. I came upon some awesome downloadable software for only $40 called Scrivener. I think it will be a wise investment for my writing. If I have everything I need contained in one place the whole process seems less overwhelming somehow.
I feel like I need a space for crafting, but space is something that we are lacking in our current home. I have not yet figured out how to create this space in the current confines. Maybe I will find it by giving away more stuff and convincing my husband to do the same. Maybe a fold out table/desk in the kitchen? Maybe an armoire for the laundry area that could double as a crafting space? I trust that a solution will come to me.
I am open to ideas and possibilities.
With Love
My word for the year is Release.
It has already taken over.
I have bagged and boxed up so much stuff to give away. It will be picked up on January 22.
I have joined a gym and am releasing energy and my cozy cocoon of chubalub there.
I have had a lot on my mind, but have begun writing down these worries and placing them in my "God Box" knowing and believing that God will take care of these things for me.
Every morning I write down three things that I am grateful for.
I am struggling with the Releasing of my creative energies through writing and crafting if only for 5 minutes a day. I came upon some awesome downloadable software for only $40 called Scrivener. I think it will be a wise investment for my writing. If I have everything I need contained in one place the whole process seems less overwhelming somehow.
I feel like I need a space for crafting, but space is something that we are lacking in our current home. I have not yet figured out how to create this space in the current confines. Maybe I will find it by giving away more stuff and convincing my husband to do the same. Maybe a fold out table/desk in the kitchen? Maybe an armoire for the laundry area that could double as a crafting space? I trust that a solution will come to me.
I am open to ideas and possibilities.
With Love
Monday, December 31, 2012
Happy New Year!
2013 is 29 minutes away.
My husband is in bed not feeling well.
I am rocking my sweet girl back to sleep.
She is snoring softly in my ear.
It has been a long time since I brought in the New Year by myself.
I'll have to celebrate with the dog, but he will likely be in bed with my husband.
2013, what do you have in store?
2012 came and went so swiftly and with many changes in a seemingly short span of time. A whirlwind of the most lovely, surprising and welcome sort.
It is hard to believe that the little one will turn two in 2013.
My husband and I will celebrate 12 years together and six years married. I hope to create and cultivate more joy and love and peace in 2013.
From Tennyson's "In Memoriam":
Ring out the old, ring in the new
Ring happy bells across the snow;
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
My husband is in bed not feeling well.
I am rocking my sweet girl back to sleep.
She is snoring softly in my ear.
It has been a long time since I brought in the New Year by myself.
I'll have to celebrate with the dog, but he will likely be in bed with my husband.
2013, what do you have in store?
2012 came and went so swiftly and with many changes in a seemingly short span of time. A whirlwind of the most lovely, surprising and welcome sort.
It is hard to believe that the little one will turn two in 2013.
My husband and I will celebrate 12 years together and six years married. I hope to create and cultivate more joy and love and peace in 2013.
From Tennyson's "In Memoriam":
Ring out the old, ring in the new
Ring happy bells across the snow;
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Tumbling
I feel like life just keeps tumbling along lately.
Tumbling and tumbling and tumbling.
Dizzying, which is sometimes good and sometimes...
--------
Abigail is off with her Daddy and I should be cleaning or running or something.
Yet I am here writing and not writing.
Brain full and brain empty.
------
Exercise might help me sort through things and blog more coherently.
So, I'll leave you with some photos and write more later.
Tumbling and tumbling and tumbling.
Dizzying, which is sometimes good and sometimes...
--------
Abigail is off with her Daddy and I should be cleaning or running or something.
Yet I am here writing and not writing.
Brain full and brain empty.
------
Exercise might help me sort through things and blog more coherently.
So, I'll leave you with some photos and write more later.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Where to begin...
Here. Right now. In this moment.
I am curled up on the couch.
My husband is in the recliner playing video games.
My sweet 18 month old, Abigail, is sleeping soundly.
Pierce Dog is curled up in our bedroom on my pillow, no doubt.
I am missing writing.
So, I am writing.
+
I am wearing a shirt to bed that I wore when I was pregnant.
I miss being pregnant.
Pregnant is not something you can just be or do.
It is not like writing where one second you want to be doing and the next second you are.
+
My husband and I went shopping together today.
We browsed Newbury Comics.
We picked through the racks at TJ Maxx.
We sampled delectables at Whole Foods.
We drove home with the sunroof open.
I giggled to my soul's delight.
Then we were home to our little girl who giggles the best.
+
Turtle earrings made of recycled, reusable, sustainable, eco-friendliness.
My husband picked them out for me today.
I would have gone for the blue hearts with the g-clef.
I asked him to pick for me.
So, I am wearing turtles in my ears.
I wondered about the symbolism of turtles.
In my Google search I came up with these gems:
The Indians have a legend that the world is supported by four elephants standing on a giant turtle.
Turtles seem to possess an enviable and god-like resistance to aging, and so they came to symbolize longevity.
The turtle symbolizes the primal mother and Mother Earth.
The Turtle is an ancient symbol that represents creation, endurance, strength, stability, longevity, fertility, and innocence. The Turtle also provides protection, good fortune , and brings happiness and good omens.
All of the above. Yes, please.
+
I am taking an exercise class with ten other women once a week.
Restore the Core by Karna Fitness.
It is very relaxing and challenging.
I like being around other adults, other women.
It feels good.
It feels empowering.
That one hour a week is precious and revitalizing.
+
I'm in the now.
I am curled up on the couch.
My husband is in the recliner playing video games.
My sweet 18 month old, Abigail, is sleeping soundly.
Pierce Dog is curled up in our bedroom on my pillow, no doubt.
I am missing writing.
So, I am writing.
+
I am wearing a shirt to bed that I wore when I was pregnant.
I miss being pregnant.
Pregnant is not something you can just be or do.
It is not like writing where one second you want to be doing and the next second you are.
+
My husband and I went shopping together today.
We browsed Newbury Comics.
We picked through the racks at TJ Maxx.
We sampled delectables at Whole Foods.
We drove home with the sunroof open.
I giggled to my soul's delight.
Then we were home to our little girl who giggles the best.
+
Turtle earrings made of recycled, reusable, sustainable, eco-friendliness.
My husband picked them out for me today.
I would have gone for the blue hearts with the g-clef.
I asked him to pick for me.
So, I am wearing turtles in my ears.
I wondered about the symbolism of turtles.
In my Google search I came up with these gems:
The Indians have a legend that the world is supported by four elephants standing on a giant turtle.
Turtles seem to possess an enviable and god-like resistance to aging, and so they came to symbolize longevity.
The turtle symbolizes the primal mother and Mother Earth.
The Turtle is an ancient symbol that represents creation, endurance, strength, stability, longevity, fertility, and innocence. The Turtle also provides protection, good fortune , and brings happiness and good omens.
All of the above. Yes, please.
+
I am taking an exercise class with ten other women once a week.
Restore the Core by Karna Fitness.
It is very relaxing and challenging.
I like being around other adults, other women.
It feels good.
It feels empowering.
That one hour a week is precious and revitalizing.
+
I'm in the now.
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