What Life Looks Like Lately

Where to begin...

Here. Right now. In this moment.
I am curled up on the couch.
My husband is in the recliner playing video games.
My sweet 18 month old, Abigail, is sleeping soundly.
Pierce Dog is curled up in our bedroom on my pillow, no doubt.

I am missing writing.
So, I am writing.

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I am wearing a shirt to bed that I wore when I was pregnant.
I miss being pregnant.
Pregnant is not something you can just be or do.
It is not like writing where one second you want to be doing and the next second you are.

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My husband and I went shopping together today.
We browsed Newbury Comics.
We picked through the racks at TJ Maxx.
We sampled delectables at Whole Foods.
We drove home with the sunroof open.
I giggled to my soul's delight.

Then we were home to our little girl who giggles the best.

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Turtle earrings made of recycled, reusable, sustainable, eco-friendliness.
My husband picked them out for me today.
I would have gone for the blue hearts with the g-clef.
I asked him to pick for me.
So, I am wearing turtles in my ears.
I wondered about the symbolism of turtles.
In my Google search I came up with these gems:

The Indians have a legend that the world is supported by four elephants standing on a giant turtle.

Turtles seem to possess an enviable and god-like resistance to aging, and so they came to symbolize longevity.

The turtle symbolizes the primal mother and Mother Earth.

 The Turtle is an ancient symbol that represents creation, endurance, strength, stability, longevity, fertility, and innocence. The Turtle also provides protection, good fortune , and brings happiness and good omens. 

All of the above. Yes, please.

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I am taking an exercise class with ten other women once a week.
Restore the Core by Karna Fitness.
It is very relaxing and challenging.
I like being around other adults, other women.
It feels good.
It feels empowering.
That one hour a week is precious and revitalizing.

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I'm in the now.

Spider, what say you?

Spiders! EVERYWHERE!

This week I have encountered at least one spider every day.
Some of them are alive.
Some are in songs.
I recently picked up a book for my daughter. It has been sitting on her shelf for a little while. This week she has been bringing it to me with greater and greater frequency. The book is Miss. Spider's Tea Party.

Tonight I was out on the front porch cleaning up the water table when an enormous spider, one that I am convinced could have carried me away, scurried along the bannister as I set a cup down.

"Eeeeeekkkkkkkk..." escaped my lips.

I reminded myself that spiders do an amazing service for all of us. Eating insects and other spiders is important business. 

Then something clicked and inwardly I thought,"O.K., I am listening, Universe. I am listening. You don't have to send me masses of spiders or even more massive spiders. I will figure out what you are trying to tell me.  Google, here I come!"

Wisdom.
Creation.
Mystery.
Power.
Growth.
Choices.
Infinity.

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An aside:
As I sit here trying to make sense of this my husband,  who has no idea what I am writing about, started blasting "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi.

How appropriate is that?!?!?!?
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What comes to my mind when I think about spiders:

Spiders...
are small, but powerful.
are small, but play an important role.
weave amazing webs over and over again.
make themselves at home wherever life takes them.
are survivors.
work hard.
are artists in every sense of the word.
incorporate art into every part of their life.
are resilient.
are adaptable.
don't try to control where they are going, but instead trust the Universe to send them on the breeze to where they are needed or belong at that moment.
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I am still not sure what any of this means, but I have recognized it (1st step) and I am thinking about it (2nd step) which means I am moving in the right direction.
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Are you paying attention to the little messages, the "whispers", in your life?
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Where I did my limited searching on Spider Symbolism: here, here, and here.

Time and Walking

I was so ready to blog again.
Abigail is older and was taking just one big nap in the middle of the day.
I felt fairly able to balance my writing and my household duties.
Things were feeling a lot more settled and predictable.
I could definitely sit down and write every other day if not every.

HA!

Abigail is walking.
Abigail is "running."
Abigail is growing which means things that were out of her reach are no longer.
Abigail is learning which means she can get in to things that she never could before.
Abigail changed her mind about napping. The 2 hour nap is now 45 minutes to an hour and that is the only nap she takes all day.
Mama reporting for duty no later than 7 a.m. and laying sweet baby down for the night between 8 and 9:30 depending on the baby.

Blogging?
HA!

So, now I am setting a goal of one post a week minimum.

Here's hoping!

Grounded

I noticed that I have been taking lots of photos of the ground lately.
I've been more aware of the beauty below.
There are lots of little things that I've been unintentionally missing.

There is a whole world below our feet.
There are tiny miraculous things growing.
There are ants marching and worms plowing and fertilizing.
There are rocks of many colors slowly turning to sand.

I feel mentally and emotionally grounded.
Steady.
Tied.
Solid.

It is an unfamiliar feeling.

I have always been a head in the clouds type.
One who thrives on spontaneity and change.
The person who had moved 13 times in 31 years.
The person who has been a babysitter, a Library Page, a student (several different times at different schools), a Legal Secretary (4 different firms), and a nanny (to 4 different families).
I make things up as I go along.
Some might say, as Megan's mother said of Megan on the season finale of Mad Men, that I have the disposition of an artist without actually being one.
Some times I miss the freedom of doing what I like when I like and then...

Then there are the little moments with a certain little person who makes my heart soar while my feet are planted solidly on the ground and my soul is still set solidly in my body.

The other day I looked down as I slid into the drivers seat.  There were the yellow shorts I've had since the summer I became pregnant that suddenly fit again. There was my red purse that I've carried for years and is now caressed by tiny fingers on a regular basis. Attached to that purse was a blue baseball cap that belongs to the toddler with whom I spend my days.

I am still prone to flights of fancy, but there is something to being more grounded and more aware of exactly where I am and who I am. The awareness of everything around, above and below me keeps me in the here and now. There is nowhere that I would rather be.

Blue, Grey, Moody Days

The weather this week has been wonky.
Rain clouds and sun shared the sky.
Thunder and lightening came and went without leaving a trace.
We walked four blocks, played at the park for 15 minutes, and then the sky opened up.
Big drops of rain and tiny hail stones soaked and poked us.
We headed home only walk into blue skies two blocks later.

My moods have been wonky, too.
Running the gamut.
Spanning the spectrum.
Unpredictable.
I am sensitive to my environment, I suppose.

I'd like to be more like a tree.
Standing tall.
Bending with the breeze.
Allowing whatever befalls me to move right through me gently and pass.

Peace and Time

This morning our 1st non-family babysitter came to care for Abigail for a few hours.
I hid in the bedroom and got some much neglected projects done and still have 10 free minutes to blog.
I didn't know just how much I needed this peaceful time to do things for and by myself.
I love Abigail and love being her mom.
I am just now beginning to understand that leaving her in the care of a competent, experienced loving caretaker is not selfish or neglectful on my part.
In a few minutes I will take her in my arms and give her lots of kisses.
I will feel refreshed and ready to take on the day with her.
She will be happy to see me and tell me all about the fun she had with Sam.
All will be well.