First Video Blog (vlog) taken late yesterday afternoon. View it here!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Outgrown
Watch me try to fit myself into a dress that I haven't worn in about 5 years.
Guess what, it doesn't fit.
I love this dress, but it doesn't fit.
I have fond memories of places I wore this dress.
I remember all of the people this dress has met.
This dress does not fit me anymore. It does not fit me physically or represent me emotional or spiritually.
It is meant for a different girl (or boy... no judgment). I will be giving it away, letting it go.
It pulls at me.
It squeezes me tight, not wanting to let go.
I pry the zipper down and send it on its next journey, without me.
In letting go of this dress, I am letting go of the past.
This is one step toward releasing all of the parts of my life that no longer fit, no longer serve me...
and vice versa.
To living in the moment and becoming more of who we are! Bon Voyage, Silver Dress!
Guess what, it doesn't fit.
I love this dress, but it doesn't fit.
I have fond memories of places I wore this dress.
I remember all of the people this dress has met.
This dress does not fit me anymore. It does not fit me physically or represent me emotional or spiritually.
It is meant for a different girl (or boy... no judgment). I will be giving it away, letting it go.
It pulls at me.
It squeezes me tight, not wanting to let go.
I pry the zipper down and send it on its next journey, without me.
In letting go of this dress, I am letting go of the past.
This is one step toward releasing all of the parts of my life that no longer fit, no longer serve me...
and vice versa.
To living in the moment and becoming more of who we are! Bon Voyage, Silver Dress!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Edge'y'
Blogging from work during my 30 minute break. I really like my job and the team of people I work with, but heavens to Betsy, it sure is a crazy busy Saturday!
I feel like this itty bitty ladybug and I am trying to remind myself how to step back from the edge.
What do you do to "talk yourself down" when you are getting nutty?
I am eating nuts in hopes of getting my blood sugar back to where it should be. Nuts for the nutty.
I also try to go inside myself, get back to center, do mindful breathing... but sometimes I don't feel like I even have a moment to do that.
and... my time is up! Back to the floor to put clothes away and straighten sale.
Random Sales Associate - Not me...clearly.
I AM so grateful to be employeed and work with such an amazing team of people and for such a wonderful company EVEN when I am on the edge.
Happy Saturday!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
In between
Sitting at Melissa's graduation yesterday, listening to the long list of graduates names being called, I began drawing.
Inbetween the lines on the tree I wrote:
"Its all in the inbetween, the seams, the knowing
Fill in the dark hole and make it light brighter
and brighter with the untapped energy
you possess, the gifts unused
Use your energy to shine light
to bring love, untold amounts of love
to the world - unleash your heart"
Being at the graduation was wonderful. I was so happy to be there with Melissa and celebrate her and her accomplishments. Summa Cum Laude. Salutatorian. Survivor. To witness someone achieving one of their dreams is...breath-taking.
At times, it was difficult. I have a different story when it comes to higher education. I have attended the university from which Melissa graduated and may some day graduate from there myself as my story is not over. There was no jealousy, no wishing it was me up there, no longing. My dreams are of a different sort and I believe that I have the power to achieve them without a degree. As they say, "There is more than one way to skin a cat." I am taking things day by day, doing a little bit every day to get where I would like to be, and trusting that my path is unfolding as it should.
What made it difficult was people asking me when I was going to graduate, telling me not to take it slowly, telling me that next year I would be up on the stage graduating even if they had to drag me to class themselves.
Those comments are not about me at all. They are about the people from which they came.
While I am sure that the commentators love me and meant the things they were saying to be encouraging, they were not.
I leaned over to my husband and whispered how thankful I am for his full acceptance of me and support of the unconventional path I am treading. I told him that one day I would get an honorary degree for all of the amazing things I am going to accomplish while no one is watching.
The comments that were made were about what the people saying them want for me, not at all about what I want for myself.
As humans, I believe that most of us find it extraordinarily difficult to separate what we want from what others want. Our desires for ourselves and how we envision our lives and the people who orbit around us, seep into everything and muddy the reality of who the people in our lives really are and what they really want. Instead of trying to make the people in our lives fit into the mold we have created for them, I believe we would be better served by supporting them in becoming more of who they are. In doing so, I believe we would tap into unceasing pools of love and be changed for the better ourselves.
I am the in between.
The blinding light comes through me.
Open the shades.
On the occasion of MP's Graduation - 5/19/2010
Inbetween the lines on the tree I wrote:
"Its all in the inbetween, the seams, the knowing
Fill in the dark hole and make it light brighter
and brighter with the untapped energy
you possess, the gifts unused
Use your energy to shine light
to bring love, untold amounts of love
to the world - unleash your heart"
Being at the graduation was wonderful. I was so happy to be there with Melissa and celebrate her and her accomplishments. Summa Cum Laude. Salutatorian. Survivor. To witness someone achieving one of their dreams is...breath-taking.
At times, it was difficult. I have a different story when it comes to higher education. I have attended the university from which Melissa graduated and may some day graduate from there myself as my story is not over. There was no jealousy, no wishing it was me up there, no longing. My dreams are of a different sort and I believe that I have the power to achieve them without a degree. As they say, "There is more than one way to skin a cat." I am taking things day by day, doing a little bit every day to get where I would like to be, and trusting that my path is unfolding as it should.
What made it difficult was people asking me when I was going to graduate, telling me not to take it slowly, telling me that next year I would be up on the stage graduating even if they had to drag me to class themselves.
Those comments are not about me at all. They are about the people from which they came.
While I am sure that the commentators love me and meant the things they were saying to be encouraging, they were not.
I leaned over to my husband and whispered how thankful I am for his full acceptance of me and support of the unconventional path I am treading. I told him that one day I would get an honorary degree for all of the amazing things I am going to accomplish while no one is watching.
The comments that were made were about what the people saying them want for me, not at all about what I want for myself.
As humans, I believe that most of us find it extraordinarily difficult to separate what we want from what others want. Our desires for ourselves and how we envision our lives and the people who orbit around us, seep into everything and muddy the reality of who the people in our lives really are and what they really want. Instead of trying to make the people in our lives fit into the mold we have created for them, I believe we would be better served by supporting them in becoming more of who they are. In doing so, I believe we would tap into unceasing pools of love and be changed for the better ourselves.
I am the in between.
The blinding light comes through me.
Open the shades.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Signs
On my photo walk, I took lots of photos of signs.
These are the first two signs I encountered and I couldn't quite believe it. Just that afternoon I had happened upon Pia's blog. She lives in Amsterdam on a houseboat. Maybe I have lots to learn from her. Maybe I should go to Holland.
Not sure about this combo, but I'm thinking on it. Offspring in my future?
Budget and DO NOT BLOCK DRIVEWAY. I think that this is about budgeting my time so that I have more of a balance between practical tasks (laundry, dishes, etc) and creative tasks (writing, painting, sewing, etc.). I think that I sometimes use the excuse of "needing" to do practical things to block myself from doing the things I really love, the things that, if I would just sit down and do them, would make my dreams come true.
No more blocking my own driveway!
Here is that word again...and again... DRIVE. I need to uncover my hidden drive to succeed at my creative endeavors and just drive blindly into those endeavors on a leap of faith, be at peace with the not knowing.
There is just something about this photo that I adore. I took this and didn't even really know why I was driven to. This morning I happened upon Christine Mason Miller's blog and her 100 Books Project. I am hoping to participate. Maybe I should start my own Relay Mail Project... The gears are turning.
Another that I am still thinking on.
Finally "ROAD WORK AHEAD". I took this as a reminder that the paths we take in life aren't always easy, that going blindly into the future is not easy, that there is a lot of work to be done along the way. I have a feeling it is worth it.
What signs have you been missing?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Warming Up
I have signed up for Susannah Conway's "Unravelling: Ways of Seeing Myself" e-course which starts on May 24th. I am not quite sure what to expect, but I know somehow that it will be extraordinary.
The course is photography and journalling based. My writing is stronger than my photography. Yesterday I decided to dust off the camera in an effort to begin warming up for the course.
Instead of running my normal route, I walked it to see what normally passes in a blur.
The course is photography and journalling based. My writing is stronger than my photography. Yesterday I decided to dust off the camera in an effort to begin warming up for the course.
Instead of running my normal route, I walked it to see what normally passes in a blur.
Bleeding Hearts in the Front Yard
I often forget how closely together natural and man-made things co-exist.
Gardens and Neighbors
I run down a little path every day and don't even look at what is on either side of me. I never noticed the garden or the skyline.
Luscious Moss
I just wanted to lay down in this soft bed of moss beneath the shady tree..
All That Glitters
I snapped this while running over a bridge. Usually I am paying attention to my running pace, fellow pedestrians, and the traffic to my left. This photo reminds me to look both ways when crossing the bridge.
Sway
This is a bench I always pass. I just love the light and the curves and the lines and the niches that indicate a life well lived.
Reflections
I always notice the statue of the Madonna in this yard, but never caught the reflection in the old window.
Twisted
I wonder how this tree came to grow this way. Maybe something was wrapped tightly around the tree and the tree healed over it? Beautiful.
Abundance
Delicate strength. Miniature boldness. Light support. Abundance. I invite all into my life.
These are just eight of the literally hundreds of images I took yesterday. There is so much to see if your looking for it. Every day miracles.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Dear Dad
Dear Dad,
I was reading this today and thought of you.
I remembered when we lived on South Street and you used to bring out the Polaroid camera and shoot photos.
I remembered how patiently you taught six year old me to wrap my hand around the strap of the heavy camera, place my other hand on the other side, finger poised above the button, focus on what I wanted to see, wanted others to see and... CLICK!
I remembered waiting for the image to appear. You would come down to my level, resting the whole of your weight on the balls of your feet and lean in behind me, peering over my shoulder at the picture you held in front of us both. Sometimes you trusted me to hold the photo myself, gently between the pointer finger of each hand so as not to smudge the developing photo with my fingers or crush the photo between the weight of my fingers on either side.
We waited and those few minutes sometimes felt like an eternity. I was not always a patient child and, even now, am not always a patient adult, but you helped me pass the time. You told me how it worked, what was happening as we waited, you often chalked it up to "Magic!", and slowly it appeared... what I wanted to see, what I wanted others to see.
As I got older, you taught me more. We "played" with the lenses and the light. You showed me Polaroids you had taken long ago. You allowed me, provided me with the tools, to tap my imagination and to create and to feel safe in sharing this with others.
I remember your delighted laughter, low and dark emerging slowly from the back of your throat, at my observations as I was framing a photo and at my amazement when my photos developed.
I miss your laugh.
I miss you.
Fast forward to almost a year ago. When Grammy passed away, your parents' house was cleaned out and you found Grampy's camera. If I could find film for it, you would teach me how to use it, you promised. I would like to do that. Would you?
Over the past year I have been transforming. I have said the things and asked the questions that reside in my soul in an effort to show the people I love how much I love them, how much I desire to have truthful, deeper, stronger relationships with them. Mostly, my outreach has not been reciprocated, my questions have gone unanswered, but I continue to hope and to love. I have asked for really big things, huge leaps of faith, and I recognize that. I wait patiently for people to develop, for life to develop, for the future to develop. I stand firmly in the now with hope and intention and, most importantly, love.
I still believe in "Magic!"
Love,
Your Daughter
I was reading this today and thought of you.
I remembered when we lived on South Street and you used to bring out the Polaroid camera and shoot photos.
I remembered how patiently you taught six year old me to wrap my hand around the strap of the heavy camera, place my other hand on the other side, finger poised above the button, focus on what I wanted to see, wanted others to see and... CLICK!
I remembered waiting for the image to appear. You would come down to my level, resting the whole of your weight on the balls of your feet and lean in behind me, peering over my shoulder at the picture you held in front of us both. Sometimes you trusted me to hold the photo myself, gently between the pointer finger of each hand so as not to smudge the developing photo with my fingers or crush the photo between the weight of my fingers on either side.
We waited and those few minutes sometimes felt like an eternity. I was not always a patient child and, even now, am not always a patient adult, but you helped me pass the time. You told me how it worked, what was happening as we waited, you often chalked it up to "Magic!", and slowly it appeared... what I wanted to see, what I wanted others to see.
As I got older, you taught me more. We "played" with the lenses and the light. You showed me Polaroids you had taken long ago. You allowed me, provided me with the tools, to tap my imagination and to create and to feel safe in sharing this with others.
I remember your delighted laughter, low and dark emerging slowly from the back of your throat, at my observations as I was framing a photo and at my amazement when my photos developed.
I miss your laugh.
I miss you.
Fast forward to almost a year ago. When Grammy passed away, your parents' house was cleaned out and you found Grampy's camera. If I could find film for it, you would teach me how to use it, you promised. I would like to do that. Would you?
Over the past year I have been transforming. I have said the things and asked the questions that reside in my soul in an effort to show the people I love how much I love them, how much I desire to have truthful, deeper, stronger relationships with them. Mostly, my outreach has not been reciprocated, my questions have gone unanswered, but I continue to hope and to love. I have asked for really big things, huge leaps of faith, and I recognize that. I wait patiently for people to develop, for life to develop, for the future to develop. I stand firmly in the now with hope and intention and, most importantly, love.
I still believe in "Magic!"
Love,
Your Daughter
Where are my Words?
Lately, I have been posting quotes and poems more than I have been sharing my own thoughts and pieces I have written.
******
Why?
Where are my words?
When are they going to come back?
What is holding me back?
Who knows better, can say better what I am feeling and thinking than me?
How can I tap the well of my feelings and thoughts so that I can express them in my own words again?
******
I don't believe in "I don't know."
I think that lately I am more visual. More inclined towards drawing, painting, and collage'ing' through my feelings.
I am also seeking answers through reading things that catch my eye, come to me in dreams, and fall off of shelves onto my feet.
I've been spending time cleaning my house, sorting through documents and photos and long forgotten possessions, and in the quiet of that I have found some clarity, some peace, a way to hear, to listen to what I need and to let go of the things I do not.
I find it difficult to write about the things I have been doing, this transformation I am going through, what has been happening to me, in me. I post my photos and the quotes and poetry of others in the hope that they will convey my state of being on any given day at any given moment. When I find these words, these gifts, I quickly gather and post them in hopes of preserving them and it comes from a desire to share the gifts I have been given by the world with the world.
BUT...
My writings are a gift, too. My thoughts are a gift, too. Not sharing my gifts, my talents, my authentic self, is a disservice.
Ill get there. By writing this post, I am getting there.
I'm finding the words.
******
Why?
Where are my words?
When are they going to come back?
What is holding me back?
Who knows better, can say better what I am feeling and thinking than me?
How can I tap the well of my feelings and thoughts so that I can express them in my own words again?
******
I don't believe in "I don't know."
I think that lately I am more visual. More inclined towards drawing, painting, and collage'ing' through my feelings.
I am also seeking answers through reading things that catch my eye, come to me in dreams, and fall off of shelves onto my feet.
I've been spending time cleaning my house, sorting through documents and photos and long forgotten possessions, and in the quiet of that I have found some clarity, some peace, a way to hear, to listen to what I need and to let go of the things I do not.
I find it difficult to write about the things I have been doing, this transformation I am going through, what has been happening to me, in me. I post my photos and the quotes and poetry of others in the hope that they will convey my state of being on any given day at any given moment. When I find these words, these gifts, I quickly gather and post them in hopes of preserving them and it comes from a desire to share the gifts I have been given by the world with the world.
BUT...
My writings are a gift, too. My thoughts are a gift, too. Not sharing my gifts, my talents, my authentic self, is a disservice.
Ill get there. By writing this post, I am getting there.
I'm finding the words.
Marriage is not a love affair,
it's an ordeal.
It is a religious exercise, a sacrament,
the grace of participating in another life.
If you go into marriage with a program,
you will find that it won't work.
Successful marriage
is leading innovative lives together,
being open, non-programmed.
It's a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along.
As a drop of oil on the sea,
you must float,
using intellect and compassion
to ride the waves.
- Joseph Campbell
it's an ordeal.
It is a religious exercise, a sacrament,
the grace of participating in another life.
If you go into marriage with a program,
you will find that it won't work.
Successful marriage
is leading innovative lives together,
being open, non-programmed.
It's a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along.
As a drop of oil on the sea,
you must float,
using intellect and compassion
to ride the waves.
- Joseph Campbell
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!
To all mothers and mothers-to-be and mothers of furry creatures, Enjoy your day!
I will be at Anthropologie working all day, but I'll be thinking of you and sending you love.
Thank you for taking on the awesome task of birthing and raising the future of our world.
I will be at Anthropologie working all day, but I'll be thinking of you and sending you love.
Thank you for taking on the awesome task of birthing and raising the future of our world.
Wisdom Resides
Last night I worked until close. While we were tidying the store, I was chatting with one of the women who is moving to Philly soon. We were talking about her new apartment and what she is going to do when she gets there and where she is going to work.
"I am going to do x,y,z while I figure out what I really want to do with the rest of my life, when I grow up" she said.
"Don't worry about what you are going to be 'when you grow up'. No one knows what they'll be doing next. Just keep doing. If we aren't evolving, we aren't living." I replied.
I surprised even myself. I didn't know what I was going to say until it came out. It was almost as if it wasn't me who was saying it at all. I realized that it was something that I needed to hear, too.
Somewhere deep inside, wisdom resides.
"I am going to do x,y,z while I figure out what I really want to do with the rest of my life, when I grow up" she said.
"Don't worry about what you are going to be 'when you grow up'. No one knows what they'll be doing next. Just keep doing. If we aren't evolving, we aren't living." I replied.
I surprised even myself. I didn't know what I was going to say until it came out. It was almost as if it wasn't me who was saying it at all. I realized that it was something that I needed to hear, too.
Somewhere deep inside, wisdom resides.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Don't Drink the Water
I live in one of the 30 communities, one of the 700,000 households, affected by the water main break in Weston, MA on May 1st. I am one of 2 million people affected. I have been boiling water for 4 days.
Today the ban was lifted.
Over the past few days, I have realized how lucky we are. Yes, this was a frustrating, time consuming situation at times, but it was temporary. A State of Emergency was even issued and help came to us quickly. When we couldn't find water at the many nearby stores which we could drive to in our cars, we just boiled some on our gas stove and poured it into our pitchers which we put into our refrigerator to chill.
Every day, all over the world, people walk miles to the nearest water source carrying their jugs and their children, often through unsafe areas. When they get to the water source, they fill their jugs themselves and most of the time the water isn't even clean. Some times the children and other people are bathing in the water source as the adults are collecting water from it. Then they walk miles back to their homes and repeat the journey the next day.
1.6 million people die from unclean water every year.
5,000 children die from unclean water every day.
We can all do somethings about this:
Global Water
Charity: Water
A Child's Right
World Health Organization
Water for the Ages
Today the ban was lifted.
Over the past few days, I have realized how lucky we are. Yes, this was a frustrating, time consuming situation at times, but it was temporary. A State of Emergency was even issued and help came to us quickly. When we couldn't find water at the many nearby stores which we could drive to in our cars, we just boiled some on our gas stove and poured it into our pitchers which we put into our refrigerator to chill.
Every day, all over the world, people walk miles to the nearest water source carrying their jugs and their children, often through unsafe areas. When they get to the water source, they fill their jugs themselves and most of the time the water isn't even clean. Some times the children and other people are bathing in the water source as the adults are collecting water from it. Then they walk miles back to their homes and repeat the journey the next day.
1.6 million people die from unclean water every year.
5,000 children die from unclean water every day.
We can all do somethings about this:
Global Water
Charity: Water
A Child's Right
World Health Organization
Water for the Ages
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